How to rekindle your relationship with your spouse

There may come a time in your marriage (not everyone experiences this) that you may feel like you are growing apart from your companion. It doesn’t feel as great as it used to, you don’t talk as much, things that didn’t use to bother you drive you crazy, etc, etc, etc… You want to make things work, but don’t know where to start. Here are my tips for how to rekindle your relationship with your spouse.

My husband and I have been HAPPILY married for almost 10 years now, and I want to share with you some of the things we do to make sure we have a healthy happy relationship. That doesn’t mean that we don’t have our moments – but doing these things helps make everything else easier.

How to rekindle your relationship with your spouse

1 – Communication

Make sure you communicate about EVERYTHING! There can be no secrets in a happy marriage. If you have exciting news, your spouse should be the first one that you want to call or talk to about it. Make your spouse your best friend, and confide in them with everything, no matter what it is.

Opening up your heart and mind will drastically change the way you look at each other. If they don’t “know” you, how you can expect them to want to be with you? By knowing everything about each other, you will also have greater respect for each other and a deeper level of devotion.

2 – Romance

Even if you are not a “Romantic” this is usually as easy as holding hands and giving your kisses freely. Romance doesn’t have to be on a schedule and you don’t have to plan it out. Let things happen and just go with it. Make being with your partner a top priority and you will never regret it. This one can go a long way to helping rekindle your relationship.

Romance isn’t just about things on an intimate level. This also includes being considerate of your spouse. Leave them notes in their lunch or briefcase, or on their desk or pillow. Call on your work brakes to check on them and tell them how your day is going. Let them know how much you love them by telling them whenever you can. Put your arm around your wife, or for the girls, snuggle up to your man.

Make sure you take time to go on a date with each other (just each other if you can get a babysitter) and talk and enjoy each other. This is so important to make sure that you are letting each other know you still value them. Hold hands, talk, make each other a priority.

3 – Respect

While this might sound easy, there are many levels to this and they won’t all come naturally. You have to know your spouse in order to respect them. That is why the first two steps are important. Respect also includes not talking badly about your spouse to other people or especially your kids (or gossiping!). It also means not putting them down even to their face.

If you have a problem with something, you should sit down with them and talk about what is going on in a private setting. Don’t make snide comments or say mean things to them or about them to others. This can quickly ruin not only your relationship but also their respect for you and probably the respect of your friends. Honestly, who wants to be friends with someone who is always putting others down or talking baldly about them? I would personally wonder if that person was always talking like that about me when I wasn’t with them. Learn how to respect people and look for the good in them and the rest will follow. Be real and be genuine.

4 – Money

This is a big one in a lot of marriages that tend to throw a wrench in things. Something we learned early on in our marriage was to be completely open with our budget. We sat down together, made a budget sheet, and figured out how much extra money a month we would have to spend. Each of us has a little bit that we can use (without having to be “accountable” for it) but for the most part, we don’t buy much without talking about it first.

Big purchases to us are anything over $30. While that may sound silly, we live on a tight budget, and spending an unexpected $50 on a new “toy” would be part of our grocery money for the month. Every penny comes from somewhere and it’s best to sit down and go over your budget monthly, and go over your checking account at least once a week or more. TOGETHER! Otherwise, you might be spending money that is meant for a bill that hasn’t come out yet or all the bills came out and your checking is low by spending that $10 on lunch you overdraft your account, giving you a $25 fee!

Make sure you know your financial situation and you will save yourself and your spouse a lot of fighting, arguing, and heartache. We like to call it “being on the same page”. This saying helps in just about every aspect of marriage. If you are always arguing about money – other things here will be hard. This one is important. It other things are working to rekindle your relationship, try this one!

5 – Parenting

While some may not have to deal with this, there are many that do. Parenting can be tough and there are many things that can make it harder or easier. Sit down together and talk about how you want to discipline your children. Getting this out-of-the-way first thing will make for a lot easier time down the road. Know your limits. Be open with your kids and be willing to talk about anything they want to talk about.

My eight-year-old comes home talking about things I thought would be talked about when she was 12 or 13, but I want to be the one to inform her so we talk about what needs to be talked about and leave the rest for later. Better to be informed correctly from me than for her to be curious because we “don’t talk about that” and to go to her friends who clearly wouldn’t know at that age. I want to be a parent, but I also want to be their friend. Remember you are their parent first and then their friend.

You are there to protect and care for them. This is the first priority. But I digress, with you and your spouse, you will want to be open with each other about what you talk to your kids about as well. If you are worried or know something he doesn’t or vice versa, be sure to tell each other. Informed parents can help so much more than those who don’t take an interest in their child’s life. Let them know you love them and that you love each other. Showing (appropriate) affection like kisses and holding hands also teaches your children what love really is and how their spouse should treat them someday. Be a good example in all things.

Also remember, that just because you have kids – doesn’t mean you have to be with them 24/7. Part of helping rekindle your relationship is spending time with just each other. Find someone that can help watch your kids if needed, and spend time with just the two of you. You have to have that time alone together.

While there are many other things I want to keep rambling about, I think you are getting the idea about my train of thought. Be open with each other and love each other completely.